First of all: I know this is long but a lot has happened to me and I REALLY need help. Please take the time to read this.

Hi, I just want some opinions on my predicament and this is me starting to come of my own seclusion and asking for support and advice. I am a Freshman in college and I am by far in the top 1% of the most involved students on campus. I currently am founder and president of the newest green organization on campus which is heading up the largest sustainability initiative ever implemented on campus, I am on Board of Class officers, Engineering Student Council, Student Senate, a Director for a student senate party campaign, the only student representative for the sustainability board, and am a representative for the Energy Council. On top of all of that I am majoring in Chemical Engineering which is ranked number one for the hardest engineering major on campus because this university is in the top 10 for Chemical Engineering Worldwide. I also work in a Microscopy Research Lab on campus.

What most people don’t know is that the reasoning behind all of this is not that I want to be super involved on campus, I do it to make myself forget the very traumatic occurrences that happened to me at the beginning of the year.

Prior to winter break I had a relationship with this girl. We broke it off about two weeks before break. Once the semester was out I traveled to south america for a month. I had no contact with the states.

When I got back I learned that the girl who I had been seeing had had a miss carriage and was in her second month of pregnancy when it happened and I would have been the father. We used protection and everything. I almost ruined the rest of my life. I cover up my grief when on campus and in front of friends, but in the seclusion of my room, I cried myself to sleep for almost an entire week. I wanted to tell my best friend who im living with next semester, but he was dealing with the death of his grandfather, so instead of giving him my burden, I took his upon myself. I helped him cope while I was withering away on the inside.

Then in mid February I learned some very bad news. My grandmother who I spent at least two days a week with through all of elementary and middle school was diagnosed with leukemia and ovarian cancer at the same time and now has been given 1 month to live.

To make matters worse I have not been doing so well on tests and I have been slipping in class.

Through this whole time I am expected to hold myself as a strong leader and representative for the university. I have tried to cover up my pain by taking any and every leadership opportunity that has come my way. I currently have one of the best freshman resumes possible for my university but I have done it all for the wrong reasons. I just need someone to talk to. I will appreciate anyones help. Life seems to be spiraling farther and farther out of control and I am so overwhelmed with my responsibilities and my current state of mind that my life is at this point almost unbearable.